We seek and we search to put a face on the fairy tale childhood perceptions of who are birth family might be like. Sometimes we find people who are unwilling to acknowledge us, and other times we find people who openly embrace us completely. Striking a balance in your triad is wholly unique to your experience. I have never encountered two adoptees who had a similar reunion. While I know the thirst all too well about trying to find your biological relatives, the answers to your questions may change you or be like a stone in your serene world before and after the conclusion of your search.

Knowing the era you were born from can help you sensitize yourself to the individuals you eventually hope to make contact with. I encourage those I assist to read up and prepare yourself well in advance to what may one day come to fruition. Don't get so wrapped up in feeling like it will never happen, only to make the actual day it does ill prepared for.

Finding patterns in the chaos somehow starts to feel natural after a while. You know, when you were younger and you stared at a bunch of shadows on a wall that they suddenly started to look like shapes and even faces. Or was that just me? Well when you use several different sources to assemble family members, it is as if you are triangulating toward truth, until its actually proven. Let's see if you can follow along with what I did tonight.

Progress to be made, but it all seems to come in waves. Sometimes I can measure the steps forward. Then other times moving on with a different case gives my noodle time to come back to a case with a fresh perspective. The key for me is to remain positive and find some way to end each day on a positive note. Not really something I could maintain constantly in my own search. But one can try.

The call from the perspective of the birth-mother is no different that the one from the adoptee to birth family. In each case sensitivity must be used. Be prepared to ask the questions that may have been haunting you all these years. Most of all be as good a listener as you are a voice to create a new bond. As a birth mother you will be overwhelmed to think of this grown adout as someone you just gave to the nurse or social worker in the next room. One has to remind themselves a lifetime of experiences have separated you both; even though they may have been on your mind since the moment they left your side.

Spent a few hours reverse engineering information I had on a birth-mother's possible adopted family tree. I labeled the possible son on the tree, but still need to work the family around him to identify his name and birthdate. Until then this is just a working theory.

Another possible birth father matches up. However, it remains to be seen if that's true. Right now it is in the theory stage. On another adoptee case separate from this, there may have been two cousins who had a child. Again, a working theory until it can be proved. Otherwise I will treat it like any other case.

The ideas and validations behind determining the facts from the fictions in your search. Including whether or not you can trust the intel provided from your non-identifying information or other misleading documentation acquired over your life.

Traditional genealogy has us taking solid information and building upon it. As an adoptee we don't have that luxury. Sometimes we must resort to non-traditional search patterns as we evolve our tree based off shaky information, DNA relatives, and other information.

Some of us have to spend a lot longer looking than we ever imagined. It takes a certain kind of individual to dedicate more than half their life looking for birth relatives.

We all eventually get to that uncomfortable point where we need to make an awkward phone call with someone we have never met before. Be prepared, and don't back down from your journey.

Just when we least expect to see any progress at all, sometimes we are presented with possibilities we never imagined. It is never easy to stay positive throughout your search, but sometimes it just happens to be more than a fleeting thought. Sometimes genuine hope can arise.

It all seems like a roller-coaster at times. One day you are given a chance to learn something new, then the next you come across what can only be described as a brick wall. Expect that there will be good days and bad, and don't be pulled down into despair and hopelessness.

Ancestry.com provides us with some great hints, but be sure to validate the information you find with solid documentation. Don't be one of those people who proliferates bad intel. Remember that a public tree with bad information will give bad hints to others you cannot undo.

I am always attempting to add more resources for our searchers. Genealogists are not often available to grind out family trees in their spare time. I am looking for volunteers to assist in these efforts and adding other sections to provide information about the states where we must be familiar regarding our rights as adoptees and birth parents.

Some evenings I have the time to devote a few hours to building out an adoptees tree based on information they have provided me. It sometimes comes in waves and based on facts and narratives that need to be proven or disqualified. Building ancestry trees eats lots of time.

A shortened version of my own search for my birth parents. I am not sure I will ever get to finishing the long version (journal/book), but I occasionally get a chance to proof it again and add a few more pages.

Behind the scenes information on the geek who is reverse engineering all your information. I only realized I had a knack for this kind of stuff when performing my own search. I tried explaining it to others only to get blank stares back at me. Not everyone can follow along in invest as much time as it takes to learn.

A speech I wrote to try and give a non-adoptee some perspective from my vantage point; or from those I have worked with. Trust me, it's not a club you want to join willingly. Although I cannot say I want to change the life that led me to this point.