Some of us will come to doubt whether our search will ever yield results we can identify with. Allowing these thoughts to permeate our darkest of days can certainly overshadow any progress we have made in the past. When presented with the feelings we may even consider giving up for a time, because the alternative is to allow depression to set in and squeeze the happiness out of our waking hours.
While there will be gloom which appears to blow out the candle we hope will light the way, it is important not to allow doubts to cloud our judgment and cast our goals aside. There is no reason to push doubts away. Better that you feel your feelings then deny them, but don’t empower these pains by forcing results or making it feel as though an ultimatum must be accomplished by a certain time or date, as this will just set you up for further regret.
While it is hard to accept, these lows are not unusual during a search for family. For many these feelings are not out of the ordinary, as their hope dwindles then recovers like the wind upon a sail. Progress on some level will tend to blow our boat in the right direction, while calm water will force us to consider a time when no progress seems able to be made for an indefinite period of time.
In genealogy, hitting a brick wall that seems unsurpassable forces us to examine other avenues or possibilities to test the boundaries on information that has led us down a certain path. Sometimes a single newly found piece of information can rekindle progress and set things in motion again. When perspective seems unable to bear fruit, then pulling away and examining some other clues or family members can give us time to come back to where we left off with renewed vigor or a slightly different perspective.
There will always be times when it seems everything is rolling along well, then suddenly grinding to a halt. Walking away to do something else unrelated to our genealogy that can provide us with downtime, pleasure, or even a good laugh can be just what was needed to give us the necessary space to change our moods and renew the interest enough to get back involved with the search. Every waking moment cannot be the way we go about finding a healthy balance in this pursuit.
Like anything else in life, putting all your eggs in one basket tends to put a great deal of pressure on yourself to come up with something constructive day in and day out. It just becomes unrealistic to maintain and doomed to fail at some point. Creating an equilibrium between multiple disciplines and interests can alter our need to force success and gives us the necessary space to strike genuine balance.
Whatever else one can do to expand our knowledge on a subject, shift our attention to something else, or spend quality time in a pursuit that will fulfill something personally gratifying on a different level, can really relieve the tension that may have begun to pile up in our search for family.
Consider that many of us have put off search our whole lives for biological family; as an adoptee. Just because we have finally decided to look does not mean results will come flooding through the dam we built up around this need over our lives. Anyone who has been looking for their family for decades can tell you, good days and bad go hand in hand with our search. The trick is to be realistic and plan for ways to step away and strike a balance. Everything in life does not need to be put on pause, like holding our breath under water, until we find our family.
There are many things that have made searching much more possible for us to be successful in modern times. However, a lack of patience is not one of those things that has been circumvented with DNA science, online genealogical records, or dedication.