“...the currents have their say, the time is drawing near, washing me away, makes me disappear, and I descend from grace, in arms of undertow, I will take my place in the great below.” ~ Trent Reznor
To me these are the lyrics of a song where the main individual is drawn to take his own life, in the depths of the sea. It resonates depression that I often find is an unwelcome companion for those searching for their birth relatives. While there are times of hope, there are also times when we must fend off these feelings when progress grinds to a standstill.
It is important to be wary of such feelings and to seek out help from friends, loved ones, or even professionals to help us cope. I found my own search to be filled with highs and lows. When I hit rock bottom I tried to draw inspiration from literature on the subject; it can be oddly comforting to read about someone else’s problems and vicariously learn how we can glean something that can help us too.
I found it tricky to not be completely focused on my goals all the time. Yet it is vital to step away and visit other subjects and familiar sorts of tasks to keep us grounded in the positive things we have. We don’t want to let our feelings take control. I would like to say one can always find inspiration elsewhere, but that does not always work. Sometimes just finding a way to express them to someone who can understand where you are coming from can help.
While I am certainly not a professional councilor, I do try and give people as much truth and comfort as they ask for along the way. I know it is difficult to be tugged back and forth between wanting to know about one’s past, and being there for people who depend on you in the here and now. Some tend to put off these searches until they have reached a point where they can take on a bit of the turbulence that comes along with such a journey.
Not everyone is prepared to face the feelings that do come up as they start to approach the possibility that a search may actually conclude. There is a tendency to cope day in and day out, as if it just may never happen. Even then one must contend with disappointments along the way.
It is certainly not all gloom and doom, but being aware that you may encounter such feelings you should be forward thinking to try and learn how you will manage those days when it is not all okay.