It is important, from time to time, that we encourage our genealogical friends to be patient with our fumbling about on their ancestry trees. How can they not? Considering we know nothing to base our bits and pieces of information upon, except the amount of effort others have put into their online family presence. It may seem hypocritical for others to be unkind to what we must represent in their midst, the human infidelity that sometimes occurs and lies we have had to endure to keep someone else's family name intact. Whether our adoption was made under the most divine of intensions, we are still dependent upon the patience of strangers to let us in and allow our truth to blossom in the light of day.

Many adoptees never intended on waiting a lifetime to seek out their answers regarding their roots. Whatever the justification, know that the decision was never made lightly to start our quest. It is a thing that many who simply know, cannot even understand what might be missing from our equation; the basic knowledge of where we started and who our birth relatives were that make up our very nature.

As we get closer to making a guess as to where our birth mother or father is genealogically, we should use the tools available to us to help further substantiate whether or not what we have could be true. The complicated route is to triangulate your DNA results at the chromosome level with other genetically linked cousins. Then see how two or more of them match similar areas on their chromosomes and our DNA results. That requires plenty of tools, a combined data sheet with all your major DNA testing companies results on them and several hours of some third party tools to try and parse the data. Even then it takes a fairly well detailed understanding of genetics and patience to try and take those results and then build trees off them.

I tend to lean toward working from our closest DNA relatives results at the genealogical level until I come across similarities it the era, surnames, and other non-identifying information to make our case. It is fairly straight forward to work on genealogy at this level and we can always resort to the more complicated path, if we have exhausted all possibilities through our more traditional search.

Given a few hours the night before, some time in he early morning, and the beginning of the next evening to devote to building out a new family tree with a handful of tiny clues and a complete DNA test sometimes makes leaps and bounds towards genuine possibilities. That was the case over the last twenty-four hours I dabbled on a new adoptee search. It was a bit numbing to share what progress I had made. I am still apprehensive to believe I've actually found potential family. This evening I spent two hours straight looking for an obituary that would help me give names to the living children in one generation; now fully grown adults with the correct surname for the adoptee.

There are times we have very little to start with on our search. At these moments the searcher needs to understand they need to be patient with the process I usually suggest. It does require a budget based on the tool you plan to tap into. That being an Ancestry.com account and DNA testing. The path of least resistance is to begin at Ancestry.com. However, some may be constrained on just how much they can budget into their search. I would encourage folks to get out a calculator and walk through some of the tools suggested, then come back and share these numbers with me to gage if it will be the best route with the least amount of spending to get the ball rolling. Whether or not anyone gives me a dime in donations has little to do with the reality of the expenses one may endure throughout a search.

The number of people it took to potentially solve an adoptees search. I cannot, nor will not, share information that I consider private regarding this adoptee's search, but I am happy to have gotten to a point where we can make further attempts to validate the potential truths spelled out within the information we started with. We all eventually reach a point where we need to weigh in on how plausible the next few steps might be towards our truth.

While I encourage people to follow their nature as they construct their family trees, I do not suggest they reach for results when they are vulnerable and wish for more than can be expected. It just makes sense not to make rash decisions and regret them later when it may have been better to remain neutral on some leaps towards the truth. Faith can guide you, but try and substantiate what you add into your family trees.

Let's face it, on occasion, even I need to come up for air and step away from building family trees to allow the effort spent does not become a jumbled array of information in my head. Distancing oneself from your genealogical research for a day or two can help you come back to the work with a renewed sense of vigor and better clarity regarding the bucket of names, clues, and tangents that had presented themselves before as unsurpassable, can become a lot less intimidating given some time to absorb your efforts.

Paying close attention to each step of one's building out of a genetically linked cousin to establish them into your trees is challenging for adoptees and general genealogists alike. One must take the information we have attained through whatever means and attempt to establish the level of truth shared with us. Learning what can and cannot be credible gives us some place to build from. As odd as that might sound, knowing how to distinguish truth from lies is a worthwhile pursuit that ultimately can lead us in the right direction.

Working out the best way to find peace with the temperament of clues that torment us with the possibility that birth relatives are at the verge of being found, with the reality of that hope being yanked away day-in-and-day-out, can weigh heavily upon our peace of mind as we search. Prepare for these changes that will, no doubt, play out poorly on your consciousness like a cat does with a mouse. Do not wait to find ways to cope. The recovery may be too difficult to handle without your own intervention before you become disturbed too many times by disappointment throughout your quest for truth.

Sometimes we come across a family surname that just seems to go on and on. It is as if the definition for common surnames has to do with genetics, rather than personal choices. Imagine a commercial coming on your television that pitched the idea of fertility in a bottle if people just renamed themselves after specific surnames and that's what it starts to feel like when we come across specific people in your genealogical work. Generation after generation you start to beg for change, yet wonder if it just became a source of pride that a family took over an era or region they lived in. There have been some cases where I felt someone could have named an entire millennium based on a family surname.

Sometimes an adoptees search must be focused upon a specific set of years when a birth relative was born, and a geographical location is known. Applying some simple tricks to ensure we do not spend an inordinate amount of time building out our tree can help us narrow the effort and focus our research to coordinates that only make sense to pursue. This way we can conserve time and energy on specific criteria and avoid wasting efforts of ill thought out tangents.

Everyone has their reasons to start looking for their birth relatives. Yet I often find it important to remind people to appreciate the challenges they have faced thus far, and personal triumphs that have fulfilled some of the questions they had before they reached the end of their search. Sometimes folks just focus too much on the goal that anything short of total success is another reason to feel hopeless. I also know how bitter sweet I felt in the past when another adoptee announced they had solved their search mystery, only to be a reminded that I had not. Know that the questions many seek actually get somewhat fulfilled upon their journey, not only when they reach its conclusion.

Adoptees have to follow their own set of rules when assembling their genealogical family trees. They start from a place where nothing can be substantiated, proven, or validated with documentation. Their case is purely based on rumors, conjecture, and circumstantial evidence. Then it is validated by DNA testing, finding documentation that fits the closest version of the truth, and backed up by members of the trees who generously share their stories about those family members. It is not uncommon for adoptees to sneak in the back door to grab as much information as they can before they reveal their true intensions, simply because they cannot trust that everyone they approach will be willing participants in their search. It is difficult for them to be open an honest at the outset, because they risk losing the chance of attaining vital information from those unwilling to welcome them in. Adoptees tend to come with uncertainty into the midst of a family. Not everyone wants them waiving their flag and potentially making the genealogist choose between preserving what they have built or creating a family drama.

Sometimes the information one has to work on your adoptee or birth parent search does not ultimately prove to be accurate based on DNA testing performed. It can be a shock to the system, especially when so much effort was put into the information one had turns out to be false. You should prepare yourself to accept any version of the truth, and not allow changes in your story to drain your spirits from completing your journey. We can only do what we can with what is given us, and be open for changes on the path towards our goal.

It sometimes becomes necessary to build multiple family trees and then later link them up slowly with similar names. You may start to see a pattern where certain family trees simply cannot be linked up with others. If we have not discovered a maternal or paternal side it will still naturally evolve into two distinct families that cannot connect. There only force binding them together becomes you. It is important to spend time becoming familiar with your genetically linked family trees. There is always something I cannot contribute to your search that only you can.

Sometimes we encounter genealogy that adds a special curve ball and kicks DNA testing right over the edge; no longer useful as a path to confirm or deny the closeness of relatives with its special pixie dust science. Believe me it is not a warm feeling when what you thought was a gift of close relatives actually becomes nothing more than known genetic relatives of unknown distance between each other and you; no, not fun at all. I picked the closest cousin to work with, which did assist in helping me find the source of my confusion. Yet there was no ticker-tape parade at the end of this revelation; just a sigh and realization what now stood before me. While the non-identifying information for this adoptee are excellent, finding the family will take a bit more research than I thought I was in for.

Sometimes there are shortcuts to be taken. Sometimes they prove fruitful. Other times they can just turn into an exercise in burning my patience. Know at the heart of this drive is to find the truth for those I am assisting. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be doing this to help others I think I would have given them a big blank stare and thought they were crazy. Either way, it certainly has become an obsession to locate birth family for my adoptee brothers and sisters out there. I know it is frustrating to get set-backs, but for me they are part of the trek to finding one’s identity.

Sometimes if an adoptees birth family originated outside of the United States it adds a layer of complexity to the trail of documentation necessary to actually build out reliable family trees. It may come down to finding, not only a willing genetic relative, but one who has extensive knowledge and research already established for their immigrant family members. Attaining that kind of trust does not always come easily. Most are guarded not to share anything with you if you plan on letting the world see it. They want it to remain a family affair. So earning that trust requires delicacy and plenty of promises you certainly intend on keeping.

Some searches end with mixed results. In my case I met two complete opposites. One was a willing spirit and the other a reclusive individual who wants nothing to do with me. Although it is disturbing to have the knowledge of someone and yet no opportunity to meet them, I do not regret the outcome. It is just a little disturbing to think about for long.

It is no wonder that guys get such a bad wrap for not being fully engaged in the child being given up for adoption. Not only did society give them a free ride out of dodge back between the forties and sixties, they all too often took absolutely no responsibility, nor have I found a single birth father seeking out their children lost to adoption. They do exist, but they are much more rare then birth-mothers who certainly had a lot more to deal with giving birth and relinquishing their children.